Progressives: Finding Humor In Their Hypocrisy

Ah, I need to visit The People's Cube more often! They're always good for some belly laughs. Check out this lovely item I found today ...

15 DOs and DON'Ts of New Progressive Order

By Opiate of the People
1/7/2009, 10:37 am

How to comply with the new Progressive order and achieve a happier life while avoiding jail time:

DO buy vehicles from GM, Ford and Chrysler because it helps our UAW friends the economy DON'T drive them as they pollute the environment and cause global warming DO insist that nationalized, single-payer government provided health insurance is the solution to our health-care crisis DON'T mention that a government health care bureaucracy is just like a private insurer's healthcare bureaucracy except that with the former, you don't get another choice

• DO condemn smoking in public and private venues because it is filthy and selfish and increases health care costs
• DON'T stop buying tobacco products because the collective needs the tax revenue

• DO despise elitist wealthy fat-cats like CEOs of Wal-Mart and other companies that do useful things
• DON'T despise elitist wealthy fat-cats like the Sulzbergers, the Kennedys and the Hollywood celebrities who do useless things

• DON'T fight terrorism with military action, treat it as a civilian police matter
• DO hamper police investigations at every turn in the name of civil rights

• DO denounce oil companies for their "excessive" profits whenever the world markets drive the price of oil up
• DON'T allow them to drill for oil in the US or do anything else that might reduce these prices

• DO rail against the loss of American factory jobs to China, India et al
• DON'T stop increasing the environmental, labor and other regulations that make it impossible to open any kind of factory in this country
  

• DO demand fairness in hiring, lending, college admissions and other circumstances
• DON'T mention that the dictionary definition of fairness bears little resemblance to the political concept

• DO despise war and demonstrate constantly for peace, violently if need be
• DON'T hide your glee when the US or one of its allies, like Israel, is losing

• DO require bi-partisanship in government and that the rights of the minority party be respected
• DON'T make us laugh when we're in the majority

• DO politicize science by bullying and cajoling everyone into believing the AGW myth
• DON'T fail to accuse real scientists (who have facts to disprove the myth) of politicizing science

• DO holler about the need for more government programs to help the poor
• DON'T notice how much these programs actually benefit politically-connected hacks and crooks who are not poor

• DO continuously harp on the main vice of capitalism, the unequal distribution of its benefits
• DON'T ever mention the only virtue of socialism, the equal sharing of its miseries

• DO emphasize the Progressive commitment to preserve individual choice when it comes to aborting a pregnancy
• DON'T emphasize the Progressive commitment to prevent individual choice when it comes to everything else

• NEVER even think about the fact that on the Progressive farm, some animals are more equal than others